Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

My Version Of Twilight (Shorter, Yet More Interesting)
Bellas POV

So since I am sooo nice, unselfish and perfect let me move from my home in Phoenix, to Folks, some ugly, drizzly town with my dad just so my mom will be happy. Have I ever told you how much I hate my dad? Well, im not going to make any friends, because im freaky, ugly, and pale, and everyone in my old school hates me, and since im the pathetic main character I've gotta be an outcast, so this could be the perfect cliche story. So I move, and I have to take a super long plane ride, which I hate. Then my dad (which I hate) picks me up.
"Hey Charlie-dad" I say awkwardly.
"Oh hello Isabella" he replies, just as awkwardly.
"So what's up" I asked pointlessly, staring out the window to this place (which I hate) where I will need to live.
"I bought you a car, but it sucks, because I suck. And im lame" and we both know he isn't lying. Then I see my beaten up, huge fire engine red truck and since im so humble I instantly love it.
"Oh Charlie thank you" I say gratefully. Tomorrow I start school, in a new town, and im sure everyone is going to hate me because im pale, and everyone always hates the new girl.

So I couldn't sleep because of the rain, and I hate this place. Have I already said that? Well I get dressed, and go to school. I get my schedule, and everyones acting as though they've been expecting me since forever. I sit down in homeroom and some girl starts talking to me.
"Oh my god, Bella, you're soo pretty, and smart, and funny, and witty, I love you, lets be bestfriends" her name is Jessica. And yay ! I have a friend. I've never had a friend.
"Hey, Im Mike, will you go out with me" Jessica likes Mike, and im instantly cool, and popular, wow this is so much fun. And now im going to lunch with my new friends, because everyone likes me here. Then I see the most beautifully, perfectly, amazingly, awesomely, stunning person ever.
"Don't even look at him, that's Edward Cullen, he's too good for the girls here, he doesn't date" Jessica says, so he doesn't date? Is that the excuse all gay guys use now? So I have lunch, and the hot guy keeps staring, and I can't stop thinking about his hotness, and oh my god. He's sooo hot. So then lunch is over and I go to science, and sit down, and in walks in Mister. Hot guy, and oh my god, since this story is completely cliche' he sits next to me.
"Im Bella" I say, and he completely ignores me. And why is he ignoring me? Does he hate me? Oh my god, I haven't even talked to him and he hates me. Wow. But he's soo hot, oh my god, and his eyes, they are like liquid amber and topaz. Wow, Edward, I love him. This is love. Love love love. Edward Edward Edward. So then I spend all science staring at him, because he's sooo hot, and I love him but he hates me so let me mope around for a while. Then the bell rings and he disappears, where could he have gone. So for the next week I look for him but he's gone, and I can't find him.Gasp. What did I do? Why would he leave? Oh my god, what an asshole. He's sooo hot though. So then its a week later and im sitting science again, and I haven't seen the hot guys and in he walks. I had forgotten how hot he is, and gawd, he's soo hot, oh my god. And now his eyes are darker, gasp. Maybe he wears contacts.
"Hi Bella" he says and oh my god, I love it how he says my name. Its soo cute. Like he looks soo hot saying my name. Wow. I love him. And I cant breathe. And today we are watching a movie. He's soo moody, but its soo hot. I love him. And now the lights are off, and like wow, he's sooo hot. So then I spend all class pathetically staring at him. So he stands up and leaves and wow. He's soo hot. So then I go outside and its snowing, and im walking to my truck lalala, being an airhead. And gasp ! There's a truck coming right at me, and its skidding on the ice but im so pathetic that I can't save myself. And suddenly, I fall on the floor, and my head hits something cold. And gasp ! Im in Edwards arms, and he's dented the truck wow ! He saved me ! Oh my god, he's so hot ! I love him ! Gawd ! Edward !
"How'd you do that" I asked, since im sooo clueless to figure out the truth.
"Uh what" he said suspiciously. He's so cute when he acts suspicious, wow.
"You just like appeared here, and you were standing there, and like you dented the truck" I said with a gasp, and he rolled his eyes.
"Uh, Bella, you hit your head pretty hard there. Imma go call Carlisle" he stood and ran off, and I sighed, I was just saved by some really hot guy. Wow. He's sooo amazing. Gasp. I love him.

So now I was at the hospital though I was perfectly fine, Edward was avoiding me. Maybe he regretted saving me, but oh well, he's soo moody. But its hot. And then Charlie walks in being all worried .
"Dad, will you stop being soo uncool and leave" I whined, because that's all I do all story long.
"Bella, your friends are here" he said. So I stand up, and go outside, to find all Forks high school sitting outside, waiting for me. Gasp. I hate all the attention. I mean im new and everyone is in love with me already. Wow. This is sooo embarrassing. Edward isn't here, gasp, where's Edward !
A/n: this will be a shortish series retelling the twilight story. My version. I read the books and all so chill. This is a joke, so cut the PMSing shit.
(: